No Sacrifice Page 16

  Noa hadn’t spoken to him since the outburst. It hurt that Noa had turned her back on him, considering she’d been the closest to him. But there wasn’t much he could do.

  So for the first time since he’d ventured to LA with Emily years ago, he was looking forward to leaving Hawai’i. He was packed early, had given Avery time to say good-bye, and hugged Tutu, who reminded him in a whisper to follow his heart. Then they were on the road and back at the airport. He didn’t care if they were there three hours before their flight. It was a lot less uncomfortable than his parents’ house had been.

  As he was getting on the plane and seated, about to turn off his phone, a text came through that brought a smile to his face: Let me know when you land. I’ll pick you up.

  He sent a quick reply to Chance with their estimated arrival and flight number and a huge “Thank you,” since he hadn’t driven to the airport, then settled in. Avery, having awakened early, was already fighting sleep. Patrick pulled out a book and started to read.

  Chapter 10

  Chance paced back and forth in front of the baggage carousel for terminal two at LAX, gripping the little present he held too tightly. He passed the bench, forced himself to sit, then popped back up only a few seconds later to continue pacing. He kept glancing toward the escalators, then making himself look away.

  He’s going to think I’m nuts if he sees this.

  Chance hadn’t been able to get one particular thing out of his head for the last two plus weeks: We separated. And… I’m actually happy about it.

  He was single. Patrick Tearney was single.

  Chance wasn’t quite sure what to do with it. He was simultaneously sad, happy, nervous, and a mess of other things he couldn’t quite figure out. He felt sorry for Patrick, dealing with the end of a relationship. Even if amicable, it wasn’t easy, especially with a kid. He was happy because maybe, just maybe, they might end up as more than friends. He kept telling himself not to expect anything. Even though Patrick had said he’d date Chance if he was single, that was no guarantee. The man had answered under duress, after all. It was Marcy—she was nothing but duress.

  No matter what he told himself, though, the nervousness wouldn’t go away. Because he wanted, so damned much, to be more to Patrick. And he was worried if he didn’t give Patrick enough time, didn’t make a good impression on Avery—didn’t do any of a billion things—he’d blow it and not only lose Patrick as a lover but also the friendship he’d come to cherish.

  He’d realized just how much he’d cherished it when they’d been reduced to texts and a few phone calls. He missed Patrick like crazy. He’d kept busy, working on a movie set, writing a song or three, trying to keep his mind occupied. But every time he went for lunch on set and Patrick wasn’t there, he ached. When he played at Sophia’s, he couldn’t keep his eyes off the table Patrick sat at the nights he’d been there. In fact, he’d had to turn down three separate men because they thought he was looking at them when they sat at what he’d come to think of as Patrick’s table.

  Text messages and the occasional phone call were a very poor substitute indeed. And it had made Chance wonder and worry. If he did somehow end up having a relationship with Patrick, what would it be like when Patrick went off to film somewhere? Could he handle it? Would he worry? Be jealous of the people Patrick was involved with in front of the camera?

  He growled at himself. Knock it off. You’re not even together. What difference does it make?

  But Chance knew it didn’t work that way. He sighed and turned around to make another lap when he saw them on the escalator. Telling himself not to run, he all but ran over to the base to wait for them.

  Patrick’s smile was beautiful, and the dark eyes were fixed on only one thing: Chance. Chance’s heart pounded as he watched them descend. He looked down at Avery, who was yawning and clutching Patrick’s hand and a tiny backpack.

  But his eyes didn’t stay on the boy—they went back to the dad and drank in the sight. Chance could see the strain around Patrick’s eyes from the disastrous family reaction. There were shadows that spoke of how hard that had hit, and Chance’s heart ached for his friend. Even with Gareth, he was lucky. Mama didn’t care, but Patrick wasn’t so lucky with his family, and Chance knew it was eating away at him.

  When Patrick stepped off the escalator, they looked at each other for the briefest of moments, and then their arms were around each other in the tightest, most amazing hug Chance could ever remember having. Patrick felt so good, so perfect in his arms, and he wanted nothing more than to keep Patrick there forever. “God, I missed you,” slipped out on a whisper before he could stop it.

  But Patrick just nodded. “I missed you too. Really glad to see you again,” he murmured before pulling back. They looked at each other for a long moment, and Chance swallowed at the expression on Patrick’s face. Something was there, something Patrick was fighting. Chance wanted to ask, but he got the feeling Patrick just wasn’t quite ready, whatever it was.

  Before he could have said something, however, his hand was tugged on. Chance looked down to see Avery looking up at him.

  “Are you Chance?” he asked.

  Chance nodded and smiled. He worked to swallow his nervousness and knelt on the floor to put himself at Avery’s level. “I am. You must be Avery,” he said, holding his hand out.

  Avery’s blue eyes widened, but he held his hand out and shook Chance’s. “It’s nice to meet you,” he said properly, and Chance grinned.

  Then Chance held up the stuffed frog he had in his hand. “Your da said you like frogs.”

  The blue eyes got bigger, and he looked up at Patrick. “Can I, Da? Really?”

  Patrick smiled widely. “Yup.” He caught Chance’s eye and mouthed, “Thank you.”

  Chance shrugged one shoulder and turned back to Avery.

  Avery gave a small squeal, took the frog from Chance, and hugged it to his tiny chest. “Thank you, Chance!”

  Chance’s grin widened. “You’re welcome. It’s nice to meet you too. Your da told me so much about you, showed me tons of pictures. But you look much more grown-up in person.”

  Avery beamed at this. “He talked about you all the time,” Avery told him. “Chance, Chance, Chance,” he said, rolling his eyes.

  Chance looked up at Patrick and raised his eyebrows. Patrick’s cheeks were red. “It wasn’t that bad,” he grumbled at Avery, who snorted. Patrick refused to meet Chance’s eyes, and Chance filed the reaction away, trying not to shout with joy at what it had to mean.

  Avery leaned in to Chance and, in a stage whisper, said, “Yes, it was,” making Chance laugh. He stood back again and continued in a normal voice. “But that’s okay ’cause I liked to hear ’bout you. Do you really play piano and guitar?”

  Chance chuckled and nodded. “Yep,” he said but was saved from further three-year-old conversation when the baggage carousel turned on behind them. He stood up and held onto Avery while Patrick retrieved their suitcases. When they had everything loaded onto a luggage cart, they headed out.

  The sun was already sinking when they found Chance’s car in the short-term lot. “I can’t thank you enough for picking us up. I thought we were going to have to take a cab.”

  “Ugh, no,” Chance said, shaking his head. “They’re awful. They smell and cost a fortune. Besides….” He stopped himself.

  “Besides?” Patrick asked, eyebrows up.

  Chance cleared his throat, fiddling with the trunk, and, not looking at Patrick, muttered, “I wanted to see you.”

  Patrick smiled. “I wanted to see you too,” he said. “And… it was really nice to have someone greet us.”

  Chance turned to him. “I was glad to do it.”

  It took a bit of work to get the suitcases to fit in his tiny Honda with the car seat taking up half of the backseat, but when they put one carry-on under Avery’s feet and Patrick held the other, they managed it.

  They didn’t talk much until Chance was off Century Boulevard and onto the San
Diego Freeway, heading north. Once they’d settled in, he listened to Patrick fill him in on the rest of the trip that he hadn’t been able to tell while on the phone at his family’s. He talked about the things he took Avery to do while they’d been in Hawai’i and how he’d love to show Chance someday.

  Chance would have loved to see it with Patrick, but he had a feeling he’d never get out to Hawai’i. Even if Patrick’s family accepted Patrick’s split with Emily, and even if they didn’t freak out about his being bisexual, Chance didn’t think they’d welcome a son-in-law into their home. And he didn’t know if he could be there with Patrick and not defend him—thus giving away his feelings for the man—if they were there as just “friends.”

  Patrick went on to explain what happened with Emily, the agreement they’d made until they could work out time to finalize the paperwork, and how he’d have to get a new apartment. “I mean, Avery can sleep on the couch for a while, but he needs his own room. And there just isn’t enough space for toys, another dresser….” He shook his head and rubbed his eyes.

  “You know,” Chance said thoughtfully. “There’s a two-bedroom that just opened up in my building. It’s not… it’s not the best apartment in town, but it’s clean, they keep things repaired, and there’s a courtyard with grass and even some swings.”

  Patrick’s eyebrows went up. “Really? That’d be great. I really wasn’t looking forward to hunting for an apartment.”

  Chance nodded. “I’ll talk to the landlady tomorrow. Maybe you could even come over and be there.”

  Patrick smiled. “You are a lifesaver.”

  “Don’t thank me yet. You saw my place. It’s not… it’s not perfect, but….” He squirmed a little, thinking that while it was good enough for a sound gopher, it probably wasn’t for talent, especially one like Patrick.

  But Patrick shook his head. “I liked your place,” he said. “There wasn’t anything wrong with it.”

  After burgers and fries were consumed, Avery wrestled into pajamas, and their suitcases stacked in the living room, Patrick flopped onto the end of the couch. He dropped his head back and closed his eyes. “I have no idea how she did it for so long,” he muttered.

  “Hmm?” Chance asked.

  “Emily. How she managed as a single mom. I mean… I was there when I could be, but….” He frowned. “I should have been there more.”

  Chance shook his head. “You were earning money for them, remember? You go where you get the parts.”

  Patrick sighed. “I know. I just… I’ve had him by myself for just over two weeks, and it’s been a real challenge.”

  “Well, to be fair, you haven’t been in your own home, there’s been no routine… everything’s been unusual. Wait until he settles in. I bet it’ll get better.” Chance smiled and stood up, leaving Patrick to rest for a moment.

  It took him a minute to find the coffee cups, but then he had the first one brewing. He found powdered creamer in the cabinet above the coffeemaker, and a few moments later, he was carrying two fresh, steaming mugs into the living room. He paused when he got back and saw Patrick dozing. He looked so tired, and Chance wished there was some way to help. An idea started to percolate in the back of his mind, and he left it there to work.

  “B—Patrick,” he said. He’d almost said baby. That would have been a disaster. He shook his head at himself, set his cup on the table, and touched Patrick’s shoulder. “Patrick,” he said again, and the dark eyes opened.

  “Oh God, you’re amazing,” Patrick groaned, taking the mug.

  Chance grinned. “Hardly. I just made coffee… but I’ll let you think that.”

  Patrick snickered. “Well, that just ruined the image.”

  Chance laughed. “I’d hate for you to have false expectations.”

  “I think I’ve got a good handle on who you are,” Patrick replied. He closed his eyes and sipped the brew. “And you make fantastic coffee.”

  Chance watched him drink, forgetting his own cup for a while, too happy to have the freedom to drink something else: the vision of Patrick, happy because of him. “Hey, um, I don’t have to be at the studio tomorrow. Why don’t I come get you guys early? We’ll talk to the landlady, I’ll buy lunch, and I’ll help you get unpacked.”

  Patrick opened his eyes and blinked at Chance. “Really? You don’t have to do that—the unpacking, that is. In fact,” he said, frowning and glancing around. “I don’t know where I’m going to put Avery’s clothes yet. I could box some of mine up, I guess, clear a couple of drawers in the dresser.” He sighed. “I’ll think more about it tomorrow. You… you wouldn’t mind?” he asked, frowning again.

  “I’m happy to do it,” Chance said, shrugging.

  “Well, thanks,” Patrick said, staring at him.

  Chance squirmed and focused on his own cup. Besides, it’s a chance to be with you, he thought. And I’d give pretty much anything for that. God, I’m so sad.

  They put the apartment off for a day. Patrick needed a chance to unwind. Instead, they took Avery to the Santa Monica Pier. His eyes lit up at the rides and beach, and it was a little hard to pin him down. He kept wanting to run from one ride to the next. They had to disappoint him at the Ferris wheel, the roller coaster, and the plunge ride. Avery insisted he was tall enough, but when they put him against the measuring stick, he just couldn’t cut it.

  They comforted him with ice cream and funnel cake. Patrick knew he was spoiling Avery, but he didn’t mind once in a while. When they’d been through the rides, stopped in the aquarium to look at the sharks, and had french fries and sodas, they moved down to the beach itself. Avery bolted for the water before Patrick got his shirt off, but it was Chance who caught him first.

  “Whoa there, Squirt! You gotta wait for us,” Patrick heard Chance say.

  Avery pouted. “I’m good in the water!”

  “I don’t doubt it,” Chance answered, swinging Avery onto his hip and bringing him back to the umbrella and beach mats. “I’m sure you’re a great swimmer, but I think your da might want you to go with him. You know, so you can make sure he’s okay in the water.”

  Avery looked up at him suspiciously. “Da’s better than me at swimming. I think you need watching in the water.”

  Chance worked hard to keep a straight face and nodded. “You figured me out. But I can’t go into the water in my shorts and shirt. So you have to wait for me to get ready, okay?”

  Avery sighed. “Okay,” he said, sounding so put-upon.

  Patrick grinned at them. “Thanks,” he said, taking Avery from Chance. He slathered sunscreen on Avery’s skin while Chance peeled his T-shirt off and kicked his sandals to the side. Patrick tried, and failed, to keep from staring. The chest he’d imagined under those shirts wasn’t nearly as good as the one he was seeing now.

  Chance had just the faintest dusting of very blond chest hair. It narrowed to a small line at his navel, then disappeared in a very tempting treasure trail under his waistband. Patrick found himself suddenly very uncomfortable, because the images that came into his head were not something he should be imagining. At least not when Avery was in his lap.

  But then Chance shucked his shorts, and the swimsuit under them… well, Patrick had the worst urge to ask him to put the shorts back on. It wasn’t exactly a bikini—it had more than that, but not by much at all. They looked like brief gym shorts. Brief and very snug gym shorts. Patrick was almost sure he could see Chance was circumcised. He looked away, focusing on sunscreen, determined not to embarrass himself.

  Avery was difficult to hold onto normally, but when he was greased up with sunscreen, it was like holding a live eel. As soon as Chance was undressed, Avery shot out of Patrick’s lap and started for the water again.

  Once more, Chance retrieved him and plopped him onto the beach mat. Patrick frowned, but before he could say anything, Chance squatted in front of Avery and held out a finger. “Listen, Squirt. If you don’t wait, I won’t take you out there,” he said, tossing a thumb over his shoulder. �
��If you keep running like that, someone might decide they like you better than your da does and try to steal you.”

  Avery turned wide eyes up to Patrick, who nodded. “Yup, Chance is right. And they might just get away with you before we could catch them. This isn’t the beach at home, Stinker. You need to stay with one of us.”

  Big blue eyes went from Patrick to Chance, then back again. His lower lip quivered, and Chance shook his head. “Nope, I don’t think so.” He held his hands out, and Avery launched into them. “Hey, Squirt. I just don’t want you to get hurt, you got that?”

  Avery nodded. “I’m sorry, Chance,” he murmured, wrapping his little arms around Chance’s neck.

  “It’s okay. Now, I need some sunscreen or I’m gonna look like a lobster. You don’t want to see that, do you?” Chance asked.

  Avery sat up and shook his head. “No.”

  “Good. Patrick, give me a hand?” he asked and sat down in front of Patrick.

  Patrick stared at the back in front of him. Oh for fuck’s sake, it’s sunscreen! Patrick shook his head at himself and poured sunscreen into his palm, then handed it to Chance for the rest of the application. But when he started rubbing it in, he found himself with another problem. It was ridiculous—he was just touching the man’s back—but he liked the feel of the skin under his hands. He had the most insane urge to lean forward and kiss it, but he reined that in and finished spreading the sunscreen as quickly as he could.

  “Thanks,” Chance said, tossing the bottle down and turning to Avery. “Now, Squirt, ready for the water?”

  Blond curls jumped as Avery nodded. “Yes, Chance.”

  “Good,” he said, holding his hands out. Avery jumped up, and Chance turned to Patrick once Avery was settled on one hip. “Coming?”

  “Uhm, sunscreen,” he mumbled, holding the bottle up. “Didn’t take care of myself. I’ll be right there.”