No Sacrifice Page 35

  And that’s when Patrick figured it out. He wasn’t sad his marriage to Emily was over. It’d been over for a while. He was afraid he’d fuck up the same way with Chance.

  Emily let him work through it without interruption. He set the papers down and attempted to swallow the lump. “Thank you,” he managed. “For taking care of it.” His voice was barely above a whisper. Not to keep it from Chance and Sara, but because he couldn’t seem to give it more volume.

  “You’re welcome,” Emily replied, tilting her head. “Are… are you regretting it?”

  Patrick shook his head, dropping his eyes. “I… that’s not meant to hurt you.” He looked up, and when he was sure she didn’t appear hurt, he turned his gaze back to the wooden tabletop. He took a breath and decided to ask her. “What—” He had to stop to clear his throat. He chewed over the thought, then decided to ask anyway and tried again. “What if I fuck up like this with Chance?”

  “Oh!” Emily reached out and laid her hand over one of Patrick’s. “Patrick… you didn’t fuck up.”

  Patrick looked up at her and blinked. “It’s certainly not your fault.”

  Emily shook her head. “It’s really no one’s fault. Not… not this part. Look, we rushed into stuff when we got together. Avery pushed that even further, even faster. We hadn’t intended to even get married, much less have a kid, but we also didn’t want to have one and not be married, either. The thing is—and we talked about this back in Canada—we just didn’t love each other like that. But….” She paused to glance down the hall, then looked back. “Tell me you feel for Chance exactly the same way you felt for me.”

  Patrick frowned. It was different—he was sure of that. Sometimes his doubts poked at him and made him wonder if it wasn’t just because Chance was male, but he didn’t think so, when he thought through it intelligently. In truth… he’d never have hesitated over the idea of a sex scene when he’d been with Em, even if something would have happened. Certainly not the way he did with Chance. “No, it’s not,” he finally said.

  “And what I feel for Sara is different, deeper. We just weren’t in love, Patrick.”

  Patrick sighed and glanced around the apartment. Chance’s keys hung on the hooks by the door above the intercom. His jacket took the same peg on the coat hooks as it did every time they came home. A half-finished paperback sat open on the coffee table next to the music sheet. Chance’s shoes made a haphazard pile under the table. “What if I’m rushing this one too?”

  Emily looked around, and Patrick had a feeling she was seeing the same things he’d just inventoried. “I can understand that fear. You were the one who helped me see that what I was doing with Sara wasn’t rushing. How long have you known him?”

  Patrick had to actively think back. “Almost eight months.”

  “And how long were you attracted to him?”

  “From the first day I saw him. God, he was gorgeous, sitting at the bar.” Patrick’s eyes unfocused as he thought back.

  Emily grinned. “And how long were you friends before you started dating?”

  “Five months. Yeah, okay, it’s certainly not you and me.” Patrick sighed. “Thanks.”

  She squeezed his hand. “You’re welcome. Listen, don’t let us, what happened here, be what holds you back with him. Just remember how you feel. That’s what matters.”

  Chance and Sara came out then with a pajama-clad Avery. Sara had water on her shirt, though she was smiling, and Chance was almost soaked. “He decided I needed a bath too.”

  “It’s not fair! If I gotta, he should too!” Avery pouted.

  Emily grinned. “Honey, I’m quite sure that Chance takes baths… or, well, showers, all the time. You just don’t see them.”

  Avery scowled up at Chance as if he was trying to decide if this was a lie. “Do you?”

  “Yes,” Chance assured him.

  “Okay,” Avery said slowly, as if he wasn’t sure he believed it. “Mommy, will you read me a story?”

  Emily lifted Avery into her arms. “I’d love to. Come on, Stinker. Can Sara listen?”

  “Sure!”

  Patrick watched them go into the bedroom, then turned to Chance. “Hi.”

  “Hi.” Chance leaned down and kissed him. “Are you okay?”

  “Yeah. Well, I will be.” Patrick picked up the top paper and handed it to Chance, watching in silence as he read it over.

  “I had a feeling this was it.” Chance pulled another chair out and sat down, putting the paper back on the pile. “Are… are you regretting it?”

  Patrick heard the fear. “Hell no.” He took Chance’s hand and threaded their fingers together. “It’s….” He didn’t want to admit his own fear to Chance. “It’s still something to see it on paper, final… you know?”

  “I think I do, yeah. It’s never easy, ending something.”

  Patrick considered him for a moment. “I didn’t love her, Chance. Not like I do you.” He wanted to make that part abundantly clear.

  The blue eyes still held a small bit of fear. Chance looked down at their hands, and Patrick pulled them toward himself, kissing Chance’s. Chance took a breath. “I… appreciate hearing that.” He looked up, and their eyes met.

  Patrick reached up with his free hand and ran his thumb over Chance’s stubbly cheek. Then he leaned in and their lips met. It was soft, just a brush, just enough to give a bit of reassurance. He may be afraid he’d screw them up, but he didn’t doubt his feelings. He only doubted his abilities to handle a relationship.

  A moment later, Emily and Sara came out. “He’s asleep,” Emily reported.

  “Oh, good. Uh, sorry, do you guys want a drink? Um… got beer and coffee and, uh, juice.”

  Emily grinned. “Sounds like two guys and a kid. Coffee is fine.”

  He and Chance worked together, and a few moments later, they were sitting at the table with Emily and Sara.

  “Thank you,” Sara said, smiling up at them. “My weakness.”

  Emily laughed. “She’s worse than you, Patrick.”

  Patrick grinned. “Chance is pretty bad too.”

  “Thanks, baby,” Chance muttered.

  “Anytime, a ghrá.” Patrick laughed. “He gets a little grumpy first thing in the morning.”

  Sara and Emily chuckled. “Yeah, know how that is,” Emily said, shooting a look at Sara, who rolled her eyes. “Anyway, we have something we’d like to ask you.”

  Patrick raised his eyebrows. “Oh?”

  Emily nodded and glanced at Sara, who returned the nod. “We were thinking that, while we’re here… we’d get married. So Avery could be there and maybe get you guys to be there.”

  Patrick’s eyes widened. When he realized the thought of her marrying someone didn’t bother him, the fact of why his divorce did finally cemented itself. He’d think about it later. “Congratulations!”

  “Yes, congrats!” Chance grinned. “Avery will be happy with that. Maybe we should get him a little suit.”

  “He’d be adorable in one,” Emily agreed. “You guys wouldn’t mind?”

  Patrick shook his head. “No, I think it’s great. How long are you here?”

  “Well, we thought we’d do it the last day. We’re here for a week. I have ten days off, so I thought we could have the last few alone for a little honeymoon.”

  “That still gives us time for Avery’s birthday,” Patrick said thoughtfully. “I was going to try for a party, but, uh….”

  Sara shuddered. “I love Avery, he’s a doll, but I’m glad you didn’t.”

  Emily chuckled. “She’s not a big fan of kids.”

  “And four-year-olds are a handful,” Chance said, nodding. “Yeah. We thought dinner somewhere and mini golf or something would be better.”

  “He’ll love it,” Emily agreed. “His birthday is Thursday, so… how about then?”

  The week flew for them. Avery spent the vast majority of it with Emily. On Tuesday, when Avery stayed with the women at their hotel for the night, Patrick and Chanc
e finally managed a date without him.

  Chance had been looking forward to the opportunity to plan a date for a while. He couldn’t afford the nicer restaurants, but there were plenty of other things they could do. And in the end, what he was looking forward to the most was simply spending time out, possibly with a drink or two, and being without the boy.

  He kept dinner simple—a little Mexican place he liked that Avery wouldn’t have appreciated much. They laughed over margaritas and enchiladas, then headed over to West Hollywood. Chance had only ever taken Patrick to Sophia’s, but he wasn’t looking for that tonight. Instead, they went to Shaker’s, one of the multiroom, multistory clubs that usually had something for everyone. In this case, that generally meant something for everyone on the GLBT spectrum, but Chance was pretty sure that wouldn’t matter to Patrick.

  Once they got through the line, he paid the cover, the bouncer made sure they were old enough to be there, and they stepped into the first section of the club. The main room encompassed two stories, an open first floor and a wide wooden balcony with stairs leading up that circled the dance floors and bar, which filled the very center of the room, taking up a good half of the floor space on that level. At one end, the dance floor covered the remainder of the floor space. At the other end, groupings of couches and upholstered chairs made comfortable, intimate spaces to sit. Chance wouldn’t call them places to talk because the music was a little too loud for conversation. Open doorways led off to other rooms and hallways on the other side of the bar that Chance knew went to a pool table room, a dart room, and still another room with a separate lounge full of beers on tap. Farther along the wall, the doorway that led to the bathroom was almost hidden in a corner. Behind Patrick and Chance, a row of high, enclosed, half-round booths provided more private space.

  “Start with a drink?” he asked Patrick, who nodded. Chance watched Patrick’s eyes darting around. It didn’t take more than a minute for Patrick to figure out what the club was about. The outside hadn’t been overly obvious. “Um…. Is… this okay?” he asked when he couldn’t figure out Patrick’s reaction.

  Patrick turned and smiled up at him, then leaned in and left a kiss on his cheek. Before speaking, he took Chance’s hand. “It’s great. I’ve been wondering what the other ones are like. Only seen Sophia’s.”

  Chance breathed a sigh of relief. He lifted their hands and kissed Patrick’s. “So… drink?”

  Patrick nodded, and they crossed to the bar. Patrick took a seat on one of the stools, and Chance realized his margaritas from earlier were making themselves known. “Hey, uh, gotta go—margaritas, you know.” Patrick nodded, and Chance kissed him. “I’ll be right back.”

  When he stepped into the bathroom, he made a face. Unmistakable sounds issued from the left stall, and the other one, though it was quiet, had two sets of feet visible, shuffling to get into place. Chance shook his head and stepped up to one of the urinals. He’d never been one for bathroom sex. Maybe it was because of Doug and seeing all that his friend went through, but he’d never been interested. He might consider pulling Patrick into a bathroom if they just couldn’t wait, but he most definitely did not want to get involved with a stranger in one. He took care of his business, threw another glance at the stalls, and made his escape.

  As he approached the bar, wondering if Patrick would want to play pool or dance or what, he paused to stare and felt jealousy stab at his insides. Standing next to Patrick was a tall, lean guy with California tan, perfect hair, a smile just a little too wide full of perfect teeth, and obvious interest on his face. Chance paused to watch as the guy inched closer, obviously trying to charm Patrick. He reached out and put a hand on Patrick’s shoulder, but Patrick shrugged it off. Chance took a deep breath and started across the floor, but before he could get there, he heard his boyfriend’s voice.

  “Dude, look, I’m not interested. I’ve got someone.”

  “They all say that, at first. You’re new to the club thing, aren’t you? Come on, let me buy you a drink.”

  “Doesn’t matter if I’m new. I don’t want a drink from you,” Patrick said. “My boyfriend’s here, he’s going to come back, and I would not want to be you if he sees you hassling me.”

  “Oh, so you let your boyfriend fight your fights?” the jerk asked.

  Chance winced and debated interrupting.

  But Patrick just laughed. “Dude, really? You’re that immature? I’m not interested in sucking your cock so you resort to insults? No wonder you can’t get fucked. Fuck off.” Chance grinned and watched the guy fume for a moment. He started to lean in, opening his mouth to speak, and Patrick sighed. “Look. We can take this outside—not to fuck. We can get into a fight. I can break a few bones; you can call the cops and get me arrested for assault. But I gotta be at the studio in the morning, and I’m not interested in spending the night in jail. Seriously, dude, get the fuck lost.”

  Chance had seen enough. He closed the last few feet and stepped up behind Patrick, stopping to kiss him in a way that was probably a little too territorial. He still wasn’t quite used to it. “Hey, baby. You’re not thinking of pulling out the Lua, are you?” he asked.

  Patrick grinned. “Awww, how’d you know?”

  “The look in your eye. But really, leave the martial arts for later.” The guy just looked confused, and Chance returned Patrick’s grin, shaking his head. Then he glanced up at the jerk, who was still standing there. “Did you not get the hint? He’s mine. He’s not interested in you.”

  The guy threw a disgruntled look at Patrick and walked away, shaking his head. Patrick turned to Chance. “How long did you listen?”

  Chance looked away. “Oh, uh, just a minute.”

  Patrick chuckled. “Uh-huh. Hey, uh, my turn. Should have just gone when you did. Would have avoided that guy.”

  Chance grinned. “And make me miss the fun?”

  With a laugh Patrick stood. “Back in a minute.”

  Chance watched him leave, then waved at one of the half-naked bartenders. “Hey, Nate!”

  Nate—shortish but buff, blond, and tan—came over. “Chance! How’s it going? Didn’t see you come in.” He reached out, and they shook hands.

  “Good, actually. Really good.” Chance was sure the smile on his face was huge.

  “Oh?” Nate grinned. “How good? Is he here, good?”

  Chance laughed. “Yeah, went to the bathroom. Can I get a shot of Jameson and a Guinness for him? And Jack and Guinness for me.”

  Nate’s eyebrows went up. “When did you start drinking Guinness?”

  “When he convinced me it wasn’t too awful.”

  Nate laughed. “Be right back.”

  While Chance sat there, he found himself wondering if maybe that was the best place to have brought Patrick for their date. Truthfully, though, he was glad he’d heard what he had. It did his ego a lot of good to know exactly what Patrick thought.

  Chance was so lost in thought he didn’t notice he wasn’t alone anymore. The guy didn’t say anything at first, just took a seat on the stool next to Chance. When Chance glanced over, he just smiled and nodded, and Chance started to relax.

  A few moments later, however, three things happened at once. The guy leaned in toward Chance, one of the man’s hands reached out for Chance’s leg, and Chance was treated to the most possessive behavior he’d ever been on the receiving end of in his life. And he found he liked it.

  “Dude, that’s my boyfriend you’re about to touch. I suggest you keep your hands—and the rest of your body parts—to yourself.”

  The man raised his hands as if Patrick was pointing a gun at him. “Sorry! Sorry! Meant no offense. Didn’t see rings or anything, so….” He shrugged a shoulder and smiled. “Can’t blame a guy for looking at him, can you?”

  Patrick smiled and shook his head. “No. No, I can’t.”

  Chance was sure his cheeks were red. He cleared his throat and smiled gratefully when Nate brought the drinks. “Sorry that took so long.” Nate set the be
ers down, then returned a few seconds later with the shots. “Anything else?”

  Chance shook his head. “No, thanks. Uh, Nate, this is my boyfriend, Patrick. Patrick, Nate.”

  Patrick reached out, and they shook hands. “Nice to meet you.”

  Chance watched Patrick when he saw Nate’s eyes narrow. He knew what was coming and loved seeing Patrick squirm over this part. He rather hoped Patrick didn’t get too used to it and thus let it go to his head. “Do I know you?”

  “Uh,” Patrick said, shooting Chance a look.

  Chance grinned and didn’t answer.

  “I’m sure I recognize you from somewhere….” Nate shook his head, frowning.

  Chance decided to help. “Think TV….”

  “Oh!” Nate shouted. “I knew it! Deception!”

  Patrick shot Chance a look, but Chance just grinned even wider, unrepentant. “Uh, yes. I play—”

  “Nadir!” Nate said, grinning. “Well, hell. I watch it all the time. Hell of a show.”

  “Err, thanks,” Patrick said. There was a huge smile on his face, even if his cheeks were a little red.

  Chance decided to have a little pity on him. “He’s still not used to being recognized. Want him to sign anything?” Patrick shot him a look, and Chance leaned in and dropped a kiss on one cheek. “Do you mind?” he murmured into Patrick’s ear.

  Patrick shook his head. “It doesn’t bother you?”

  “Nah, unless you start doing that instead of being with me.” Chance shrugged. “I knew going into this who you are.”

  Patrick looked grateful and kissed him back. “Thanks.”

  Nate brought a napkin over and handed it to Patrick, who signed it. Just as Patrick went to hand it back, there was a voice behind them.

  “Look at the famous star, signing autographs!”

  Chance saw Nate’s jaw drop as he looked over at Angelo. “Hey!” Chance called, watching Angelo and Sebastian approach. “I didn’t know you guys came here.”

  Angelo shrugged a shoulder. “Sometimes. Hey, Patrick.”

  They passed hugs around, and then Sebastian asked, “Enjoying the day off?”