No Sacrifice Page 48

  What this did do for him, however, was renew his determination to rehearse his orgasms and be able to fake it convincingly enough. The first thing he did was go back to his research and see what he could find of other faces in orgasm. He knew Chance’s, but he was usually too preoccupied with his own orgasm when Chance was going off to catalog facial features.

  So back to the porn he’d used before for research. He had to weed through what was obviously exaggerated to what, in his opinion, looked real enough. When he’d picked a few and studied them, he spent some time in front of the mirror, trying to mimic what he’d seen. He felt… absurd, actually. Nothing he did seemed to look quite right.

  “You know, if you need help looking like you’re coming, I volunteer,” Chance said and chuckled.

  Patrick looked over his shoulder in the mirror and scowled at Chance’s smirking face. “Very funny,” he grumbled, then turned back to his own reflection. He tried again to focus and work his face into the proper expression, but he just couldn’t seem to do it, and it was even harder with Chance watching. “You know, it’s very difficult to do this with you watching.”

  “But… you’ll be watched by millions,” Chance said, sounding genuinely puzzled.

  Patrick sighed. “I know. That’s… different.”

  “How?”

  Patrick shrugged. “I don’t see them watching me, you know? And I don’t know them, don’t care—well, much—what they think of me. You… I love you. You… matter.”

  Chance nodded. “Okay, I can see that.” He tilted his head. “Why are you so worried?”

  Patrick turned around and considered Chance for a long moment. “I know what you’ve said to me. I know how you feel. But… when I did the last scene with Rhys, I promised myself—and you, in a way—I’d never do it again. That no matter what he did, I wouldn’t actually come. I know that there are porn couples who do this, who can handle it, but that’s not who I am. So, when I made that promise, I knew I’d have to practice.” He shrugged a shoulder again, knowing his cheeks were coloring, so he turned his face away.

  Chance’s smirk faded, and he stepped forward, tilting Patrick’s chin back up. “What can I do to help?”

  They went back to the porn. “I mean… okay, I know we all look at least a little goofy in orgasm. But this just seems… ridiculous. Is any of this realistic?” he asked Chance, deferring to his partner, who had more experience with other men than he did.

  Chance chuckled. “Well, it’s porn. Of course it’s ridiculous. It’s not meant to be realistic—it’s meant to turn you on. Okay, let’s see what we can find.”

  They combed through tons of videos, bookmarking the ones that had potential, then going back through them together. Patrick recognized as they did that he might need to overdo it a bit, since it was on camera, but there were still limits.

  He also quickly discovered another challenge in looking at these with Chance: they had to be careful and not get too turned on to be able to focus on what they were doing. Especially since they had to wait until Avery was in bed to do it. The only way they could manage to keep the arousal factor down was skipping most of the video to the end where the orgasm always was.

  “Hmm, are you seeing the pattern?” Chance asked after the umpteenth video they’d watched, bookmarking it for its potential.

  Patrick lost track somewhere along the way of how many and which ones they’d bookmarked. He was still semiaroused—it was difficult to watch that many attractive men have orgasms and not have it affect him. But they were all starting to blend together. “I’m not sure, actually,” Patrick murmured, backing the video up a minute and hitting “play” again.

  Patrick focused carefully on the guy’s face and did see the slight differences this time—the actor’s eyes didn’t look to be squeezed closed quite as much, his mouth wasn’t quite in the same perfect O, the shout didn’t sound nearly as scripted. Patrick backed it up again, pulling his focus out to watch the whole thing, paying attention to the act instead of the facial expression.

  And when he saw what Chance was talking about, his asshole flexed and cock filled the rest of the way. “Oh,” he murmured, glancing over at Chance, who was watching him intently, eyes full of heat.

  Chance leaned in and asked in his ear, “I take it you like that.”

  “Oh yeah. It’s fucking hot.” Patrick stared, unseeingly, at the computer.

  “Mmm. Why?” With barely a breath of sound, Chance’s lips teased his ear.

  “I have no idea,” Patrick managed, even though he was having major trouble breathing. “But it seriously turns me on.”

  “Maybe you’re imagining my cock inside you, emptying my load into your ass, hmm?”

  “Oh fuck, yes,” Patrick groaned. He was getting very uncomfortable now and gave up the fight, opening his jeans.

  “I have to admit, I’d love to put one there… and leave it there.” Chance nipped at his ear, then teased his length with just a few fingertips.

  Patrick whimpered, and he could have sworn his cock hardened even more, if that was possible. “I’d… like that. For you to….” Chance’s fingers danced along his dick again to tease his balls, then back up to trace the vein and ridge. “Oh fuck….”

  “To what, baby?” Chance asked, nipping a line along his neck.

  Patrick groaned again, trying desperately to find the wits to speak and answer. He swallowed hard and took another breath. “To fill me, claim me,” he murmured, only half paying attention to what he was saying.

  “Mmm, yes,” Chance replied. “Mine.” And he bit down on Patrick’s neck.

  Patrick’s eyes slammed closed with another groan. Chance’s hand wrapped around him, then started stroking. “Fuck, a ghrá….” Patrick slid down in his seat a little as Chance sped up, actively stroking him with purpose. Patrick leaned back, bracing his hands on the sides of the chair, rocking his hips. His head fell back as the pleasure grew and he stopped fighting it. Chance continued nipping, biting in just the way Patrick liked, hand moving a little faster. Patrick felt his balls tighten, knew if he didn’t stop things, he’d go off. “Oh God, Chance, stop. I’m gonna…. Oh, fuck…. Stop….”

  But Chance didn’t stop, wouldn’t, and a few moments later, Patrick came, groaning louder than he should. He couldn’t seem to hold it back. When he finally had breath again, he opened his eyes to look at his lover. “That was… uh… you… why?”

  Chance smiled and pointed his clean hand at the computer. Patrick looked over to see a frozen frame of his own face, very obviously in orgasm. Patrick blinked at it for a long moment, then looked at Chance, then back at the picture. Chance clicked on something, and Patrick sat in stunned silence as he watched himself be pleasured, then come, all in the video. “You… recorded me?”

  “I figured… what’s a better way for you to know what you look like during a real orgasm than to record you doing it? Since you won’t watch the sex episodes of the show.”

  Patrick frowned. “You know why I won’t. I got through them once to approve them. That was enough.”

  “I do know. Which is why I did this. It’s just for us, just you and me. No one else ever has to see it.” Chance snatched a napkin out of the holder in the middle of the table and cleaned his hand off, then reached up to cup Patrick’s face. He leaned in and brushed his lips across Patrick’s, and Patrick caught them, turning it into a real kiss.

  When they broke apart, Patrick smiled. “Thank you.” Then he turned back to the screen and backed the video up again.

  This time, now that the shock had worn off, Patrick couldn’t resist snickering at his own facial expression. “Oh God, I look… ridiculous isn’t even enough. I look comical.”

  Chance laughed. “Well, maybe a little.”

  Patrick snorted. “More like a lot.”

  Chance shook his head. “I don’t think so—”

  “You’re in love with me.”

  “True,” Chance conceded. “But it looks honest and it looks real—because it
is. I think if you look at that, work on mimicking that—and maybe, think about me”—this was accompanied by slightly pink cheeks—“you’ll be able to pull it off.”

  Patrick smiled again. “You’re right. Maybe I can make it look slightly less ridiculous, but yes. One thing, though?”

  “Hmm?”

  “I already do think of you,” Patrick said, watching Chance. He was gratified to see the smile light up Chance’s face and eyebrows go up. “Yup, I have, every time I’ve had to do something even remotely like that—well, since we’ve been together, of course.” He paused to think. “No, actually, since before that, but after we met—but… yeah. I was thinking about you.”

  “I… thank you. That… does me good to hear.”

  Patrick nodded. “Good. I love you. I can’t imagine not thinking about you. I spent the whole time wishing I was doing that with you—and only you.”

  His only answer was another kiss; then he returned the pleasure.

  Chapter 25

  Without the research and practice taking up so much of his mind, the day of the big scene loomed even larger than before. It didn’t help that time flew on him too. It reminded him way too much of the anticipation he’d felt before his “practice” with Rhys. This seemed to be going by just as fast.

  The only thing he had to counter this was looking forward to their follow-up testing. He and Chance were both sure of what the results would be, and they were anxious for the confirmation. The idea of losing the condoms was very enticing. Patrick missed that kind of skin-to-skin contact, and he wanted to know what it would feel like the other way too. So he desperately wanted the test, the results, and the experiences they both would provide.

  Part of his reticence with the upcoming scene was that, despite what he did with Rhys last time, he still wasn’t quite sure what to expect from the man. Rhys’s behavior since they’d been back from the break hadn’t been very encouraging, with his insistence on the touching and kissing—beyond what the scenes really called for. Even with the times he and Chance spent going out with Angelo and Sebastian, talking to them about what was coming, he didn’t feel a lot better. Both of them knew what was going on with Rhys, knew what Rhys was doing, but neither had any suggestions for how to convince the man of the truth.

  Which, of course, didn’t make his anticipation of the scene any better.

  The night before, Patrick and Chance made sure to get as much sexual tension out as possible. Patrick felt thoroughly fucked and had done plenty of his own fucking, both of them switching more than once. And then, in the morning, Chance had even sucked him off in the shower before they woke Avery and went to the studio. As such, on the ride in, he felt pretty confident.

  But as Chrissy finished up his makeup that morning, the confidence started to wane. He couldn’t help but feel sure Rhys was going to make things difficult, whether it was deliberate or not. And Patrick wasn’t entirely convinced Rhys was trying to make things so difficult on him. It was just a side effect.

  He felt a little like the walk to the set—closed once again—was more like a walk to the gallows. No amount of coffee seemed to help his dry throat. And it annoyed him to no end that the nervousness took over so quickly.

  He’d have thought that, by now, he’d be more used to this. After two scenes already, he shouldn’t be so worked up over the possibilities. But he knew, when he was thinking clearly, this wasn’t the same at all. It wasn’t just nervousness over a sex scene—it was this particular one with Rhys.

  When he got there, he found Rhys hadn’t yet made it. Jack and James looked like they were arguing over a script. Bob and Randy busied themselves with camera and boom. So Patrick took a seat in his chair and closed his eyes, working to take long breaths and relax himself.

  “I love you.”

  Patrick’s eyes flew open, and he looked up into Chance’s blue ones. “Oh, hi. I… you were too quiet. I thought you were someone else.”

  “Sorry, baby.” Chance came around the chair and squatted next to him. “Are you okay?”

  “No,” Patrick said honestly. “I do not want to do this scene. But you know that.”

  Chance nodded. “I do. But you’ll do great. I’ll be watching from the booth. And….” He took Patrick’s hand. “I know what you’ve practiced. I know what you’ve worked on. But no matter what happens, I’m not going to be any more pissed off than I have been the last two times.”

  Patrick scrunched his eyebrows. “You weren’t.”

  “Exactly. So, do your best, do what you have to do, and then it’s over, okay? I’ll be here when it is.” He stood up, then leaned over, and their lips met in a long, slow kiss.

  “Okay. I love you. See you later.”

  With another kiss, Chance disappeared, and before Patrick could even take another sip of coffee, Rhys showed up. Patrick sighed inwardly when he saw the smile on Rhys’s face. It was the one he’d worn back during their “practice,” the honest one. Like he was genuinely happy and looking forward to things.

  Which, Patrick supposed, he probably was.

  “Hi,” Rhys greeted him.

  “Hello, yourself. You ready for this?”

  Rhys nodded. His smile faded a little as he looked at Patrick. “Are you okay? Are you ready?’

  Patrick took a deep breath. “Yes, I am. Um… I have a feeling Jack’s going to push this as far as he can again.”

  “Yeah, I’m sure of it. He doesn’t seem to be in the best of moods today, either.”

  “Great.” Patrick shook his head. “Well, we’ll do what we can.” He considered Rhys for a long moment. “I did some… rehearsing… in the last few weeks. What happened last time… I can’t let that happen again. It’s just… not right.”

  Rhys’s eyes showed a flash of disappointment, but he hid it quickly. “I think I knew that. Jack’s going to try everything, you know.”

  “I know. But the… money shot—” Patrick smirked and Rhys laughed. “—I’ve been working on it, and it will be fake. I’m determined. I can’t… I’d rather spend more time working on the scene. I should have done that before, but….” He shook his head.

  Rhys nodded. “I… I can actually understand it, if you’d believe that.”

  Patrick tilted his head. “I do.”

  Rhys sat in the chair next to Patrick and reached out, laying a hand over one of Patrick’s. “I said this last time, but I want to be clear. I love you—no, don’t interrupt—I do. And because I do, I don’t want to hurt you. It would. I’ll have to do a lot, and I’m not going to lie. I want to. I’ll enjoy it.” His dark eyes danced over Patrick’s face. “But I can respect your limits, Patrick. I’m not going to push you further than you can go.”

  Patrick blinked at him and frowned. “I… don’t know what to say to that.” He shook his head, then closed his eyes and sighed. “I feel like a fucking diva or something. Everyone tiptoeing around me.”

  Rhys snorted. “You are hardly a diva. Seriously? Being particular about who you fuck and what you do sexually hardly makes you a diva. There’s a reason they have nudity and sex clauses in acting contracts.”

  “Yeah, you’re right.” Patrick sighed again and fought hard against the urge to rub his face—and fuck up his makeup. “I’m a little afraid of just what they’re going to want after this,” he murmured, looking over at Jack and James.

  “No kidding. I mean… I don’t want to turn down another steady season.”

  “Right. Too much money to give up,” Patrick agreed.

  “But….” Rhys shook his head. “I don’t want to spend another season like this either.”

  Patrick chewed on his lip. “Honestly, I’m no writer, but… really, I can’t imagine how much worse they’d go unless they have us fucking everyone else. Teman and Nadir, bring the guards in—we’ll make a big gay orgy!” Patrick waved his empty hand around.

  Rhys laughed. “It’d get ratings.”

  “Shhh!” Patrick sent a slightly panicked look over toward Jack. “They’ll hear.
And I am not fucking half the cast.”

  “Sorry!” He snickered again, working to get ahold of himself. “I think it’s possible that, at worst, they’ll play with the polyamory aspect. Maybe try to work it out so that we’re all in love or something.” He shrugged. “I don’t know. I’m not a writer either.”

  “Well, let’s hope. It’s bad enough I’m doing scenes with you and Angelo. I mean, I like you both well enough, but… dammit… there’s more to us, more to our characters, more to the show than sex.”

  “Soft-core porn, Patrick,” Rhys said, sipping his own coffee.

  Patrick snorted. “Yeah. Well… let’s hope it at least doesn’t get worse.”

  “Hear! Hear!” Rhys said, holding up his coffee.

  “Yeah, hear, here… we go,” Patrick muttered when Jack stood and started toward them.

  “Yay.”

  “Well! Are you two ready? This is probably going to take a while.”

  Patrick sighed but nodded. “Yeah. Uh… why?”

  “We have a lot to fit into this scene, so we have a lot to film.”

  Rhys blinked at him. “I thought it was only five minutes?”

  Jack nodded. “Give or take, yes. But there’s a lot we’d like to show in that five minutes, so we need plenty to work with in editing.”

  “Great,” Patrick muttered.

  Jack threw him a look. “You’ve gone over the scene, I presume. The first part shouldn’t be too difficult, but let’s try to get that right without reshooting. The mess will be a pain in the ass to keep cleaning up.”

  Patrick and Rhys exchanged looks, which made Patrick feel a little better. Nothing like Jack in a bad mood to bring them back to friendship again.

  “Yeah, we got it. Let’s go.” Rhys set his coffee cup down and moved to his mark, with Patrick following.